


Come Get Me If Your Heart is a Bad Thing

by hidinginmybones



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 17:46:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/384169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidinginmybones/pseuds/hidinginmybones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only place they can share their secrets is in the gardens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Get Me If Your Heart is a Bad Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Title and cut courtesy of Empires- Voodooized. Originally written for the hp_emofest on livejournal.

The Black Gardens are quiet and the darkness clings to the foliage when Sirius emerges into them. He can barely hear the rustle of the leaves with the wind. The calm pond that sits in the middle reflects the overhead stars perfectly without so much as a ripple. It’s the only place in Sirius’s home where he still feels comfortable. He walks from the shadows of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place into the wizard space of the gardens and seats himself carefully on the bench beside the pond, so as not to disturb the resounding silence. He lights a cigarette with a silver muggle lighter, the spark and flame representing the only sound and light in the vicinity, momentarily disturbing the peace. 

With the tiny spark, Sirius notices that he is not alone in the gardens. There is a figure standing under a fig tree in the darkness, with a face that looks like the entire world is crashing down. It’s then that Sirius realizes the figure is his brother, Regulus.

“What are you doing out here, you prat?” Sirius demands before inhaling deeply on his cigarette. He knows that Regulus hates it when he smokes, considering it a disgusting muggle habit, which is why Sirius insists on bringing so much attention to it. 

“Sirius,” Regulus whispers. He breaks from the shadows and coming out into the moonlight and standing just across the pond. “We’re in the gardens, so please…” the rest remains unsaid and Regulus comes closer. 

Sirius doesn’t put out the cigarette, but neither does he make a show of continuing to smoke it. He lets it rest in his hand, forgotten. The gardens had always been a place for Sirius and his brother to forget all that was happening in the world and relate to one another. It seems now that although they were both readying themselves to fight on opposite sides of the oncoming war, they were still serving the same purpose. “Yes, we are, at that,” he says calmly, moving over to make room on the bench.

Regulus sits beside him carefully and sighs. Sirius doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, they haven’t spoken since Regulus had made his decision with regards to the side he’s chosen for the war known. Sirius had made it clear, after Regulus had chosen the Dark Lord, that he had wanted nothing more to do with his brother. He’s not entirely sure why Regulus is here, now. Sirius would like nothing more to hex him, at this point.

“Sirius, you can’t say anything about this, but I have something to tell you,” Regulus says softly. Sirius barely hears him; the silence surrounding them is resounding. 

Sirius peers over at him and nods. “A secret for a secret,” he offers. He puffs on his cigarette then and in the action, makes sure that Regulus knows he’s not happy about this sharing thing. Sirius doesn’t want to risk giving away any integral information.

“I’ve switched sides,” Regulus states, “I still believe in protecting the pureblood customs and traditions but that’s not what the Dark Lord wants. He’s… he’s insane, Sirius, and he should not be allowed to spread such terror and death for a cause that I’m not sure anyone agrees with anymore. They’re all just scared, terrified of what the Dark Lord will do to them if they stop following him.”

Sirius stays quiet because it seems like his brother needs to say all of this out loud to someone and in the gardens, Sirius is apt to listen and not repeat the words to anyone. When Regulus is quiet for long moments, Sirius decides to speak again. “If you leave him, your life is forfeit,” he states.

“I’m aware,” Regulus replies. He makes a strange sound in his throat, one that Sirius has not heard in long years but Sirius knows that Regulus is biting back a sob. “I am aware,” Regulus repeats. His voice is less steady than it had been, and more quiet. Now that Sirius is listening, however, he can hear the words clearly. “Which is why I have chosen to sacrifice myself in order to ensure his reign will be far more difficult.”

“No, Regulus, don’t sacrifice yourself,” Sirius whispers. His heart feels heavy in his chest, like someone has taken it out and replaced it with frost covered steel. His voice catches and he can’t say anything else. The only sound he hears is the trickling of the fountain, off to the far end of the pond, singled out due to Sirius’ shock. Finally, he says, “Come to the order. There are others like you, others that have had doubts. We can protect you there.”

“And live my life waiting for the moment that the Dark Lord finally comes for me and then tortures me for days before finally letting me die? I don’t think so, brother. This is the only way,” he says decisively. “I just needed to tell someone that wasn’t Severus. He doesn’t need to be burdened with knowing, he already has enough to worry about,” he adds after a few moments.

Sirius wants to scoff because Severus Snape does not deserve any sort of consideration in his mind, but he doesn’t. This conversation is too important for him to bring up school yard rivalries. “Okay,” he says, “If you do change your mind and you want sanctuary, I will vouch for you.”

“I knew you would, once you understood where my mind was at,” Regulus replies softly, “It won’t be necessary though, I have made my decision.” They’re quiet for a long while; Sirius thinks it feels like hours before Regulus speaks again. “You offered a secret for a secret,” he says, raising his eyes to Sirius’s face. 

“Yes, I did,” Sirius nods. “Understand though, my secret is much less life altering,” he states before standing up. He rolls his shoulders in order to stretch them, seeing as he’d been sitting stationary for quite some time now. For one moment, he is Sirius, standing in front of the pond calmly and then, in the next instant, he is a giant black dog. 

From his new, much lower vantage point, Sirius sees Regulus’ eyes widen in shock which quickly moves toward delight. “You’re the one that had the Slytherins in such an uproar in your last year,” he says amusedly. “Everyone believed that they were seeing a Grim,” he adds. Regulus stretches an arm out slowly, clearly unsure about actually touching Sirius but Sirius walks over to him and presses his fur- covered head into Regulus’s palm. 

Regulus instantly gets down on his knees and threads his fingers through Sirius’s fur, taking comfort as one only can with an animal. Sirius lets him, even enjoys the petting and the hugging; he understands that his brother needs this. Finally, Regulus remembers himself and settles back onto the bench. In this time, Sirius transforms back into his proper human body and sits down beside him. 

“I’m going to die, Sirius,” he says quietly. “And you’ll be the only one to know why,” he adds.

“I swear, I’ll keep your secret til my own death,” he says honestly. 

“I know you will,” Regulus replies, “If only because I told you while we were in the gardens,” he adds with a small smile.

“Our great secret keeper,” Sirius agrees with a grin.

Regulus leans forward then, toward Sirius and Sirius knows where this is going. They’d done this before; when they’d both started thinking they might like blokes (as well as birds for Sirius) and didn’t want any awkward fumbling. It wasn’t Black-ish to be incompetent in any area, especially not with sex. Although Sirius doesn’t subscribe much to the Black ideals anymore, this is something that he’s glad he’d done before embarrassing himself with someone outside of his family. His first time had been with Narcissa Black and she’d shown him things that he could have never imagined. When Regulus had approached him in the gardens and asked him if he liked blokes, Sirius had jumped at the chance to experiment. 

He leans in the rest of the way and allows their lips to press together. It’s nothing more than that, just the slight press of lips to lips and then it’s over. Sirius blinks at his brother, waiting to see what is going to happen next.

“I’ll keep your secret as well. The Dark Lord has a Grim on his back and it’s coming for him,” he says with a smile. “Fight on, Sirius, I can see the end of this war and it’s beautiful,” he assures. Once he finishes, Regulus stands and walks back toward the large wooden door that leads back into the house. Sirius watches him go and lights another cigarette.

***

A few months later, Sirius is back at Number Twelve, collecting the rest of his things so that he never needs to return to this place again. He’s in the gardens, smoking cigarette before he plans to grab the last few things and floo over to James’s. He’s just stubbing out the butt when he hears his mother shrieking inside the house. 

Sirius strongly considers staying outside a little bit longer because he definitely doesn’t want to deal with her mother when she’s in a mood. The shrieks are coming closer, however, and finally, his mother blasts the door open with her wand and glares at Sirius. It’s the look he used to shrink back from when he was a child. Her crazed eyes are enough to make grown men shrink back in fear but Sirius stands tall. She bares her teeth at him and growls, “It should have been you, you blood-traitor fool! It should have been you! Regulus was the perfect pureblood wizard and you-” 

He watches as her face scrunches up in some terrible way but refuses to back down. “What happened to Regulus?” he asks. His heart is sinking; he’d been the only one to know of Regulus’s plan. 

His mother screams at him more, some sort of litany involving him being a muggle-loving blood-traitor and then finally, she quiets. She looks toward him, the rage in her eyes giving way to utter despair. “Regulus is dead,” she says.

All Sirius hopes, after hearing those words, is that Regulus had done what he had wanted to with success. He wishes that Regulus had taken his offer for sanctuary but he had not, opting instead for some unknown fatal mission. Sirius vows then that they will win this war, at the very least to make Regulus’s sacrifice worth it. Sirius falls to his knees then, head falling into his hands as he struggles to breathe. He hears the door close as his mother returns into the house and he knows then that he is alone in his grief.

The darkness in the gardens consumes him and he knows that he cannot ever return to this place. His brother’s death shatters him and the gardens hold too many reminders of his brother. His brother who turned out not to be the pureblood elitist that Sirius had thought he was. Regulus had been so much more than that and Sirius regrets that he hadn’t seen it before…

end


End file.
